Not Just A Mum

 

Well Hello Everyone,

Mum, Mummy, Mama, Milk Machine Emma here.  I’d like to revisit a subject I struggled with when I first started out on my motherhood journey, self care and how to look after myself. Loosing the old me and embracing my new role was incredibly overwhelming. For months I hardly recognised myself, I treated myself like I was nobody.

It took time to get to know myself again. My new role and my new name, for a long time ‘Mummy’ just didn’t feel like me. I craved a little bit of Emma and longed for familiarity in my new, ever demanding life. I wrote a blog post back when I first became a mum and hadn’t relived those feelings until lately, until I became a mum all over again, a mum of two.

Esme arrived 4 months back and brought a whole new meaning to contentment, she has complete our family, she makes life so full. Suddenly I’m reliving all those uncertain feelings of ‘who am I’ and suddenly my balance is once again way off.

Overnight all of life’s priorities have changed, here I am once again feeling like I need to be more, do more, give more, feeling like I’m just not enough. I’m no longer just a Mum, I’m a mum of two and that has made me feel even less me!

The thing with me is I have a rather addictive personality, I give it my all, which is definitely one of my strengths however completely throws my life balance which let’s face it, with two small humans to care for it’s already al over the place! Before parenthood, I invested a lot of time in the things I love, I invested time in me. For me it’s always been important to counterbalanced adulting. Work, bills, chores and general grown up stuff, before being a parent I would balance that out with the things I enjoyed. Over the past few years I’ve completely stopped doing the things I once loved.

I’ve been so focused on being the best mum I can be that I’ve let the Emma in me fade a little, I’ve neglected being me whilst working on being mum. I’ve found myself once again caught up worrying about the identity I’ve lost to appreciate the Mother I’ve become, the woman that I am. So I’m putting it here, I’m writing it down and saying it out loud, it is time to be a little kinder to myself. With all that love I carry around daily, some is coming my way!

And with that, I’m working on restoring some balance into life. I’ve fully  accepted life will never be as once was, it no longer is as easy and free flowing. My balance isn’t about finding new exhilarating hobbies or splashing out on shopping sprees.  Working on my balance is adding myself to my to do list and to rid myself of mum guilt. At the weekend I walked in the park on my own and I cannot tell you how uplifting it was. A simple walk, just me and my thoughts, it was bliss.

  • My advice to anyone feeling a constant pang of parental guilt, uncertainty in their new role or feeling like they are just not enough, start off small, make little changes daily. Do not compare, life isn’t as once was but now is the time to embrace that! Take the pressure off! Being a parent is so blooming tough, everyday brings an overwhelming demand, remember you are doing your best. By accepting your enough is enough then your balance will get to where it needs to be. More importantly do what feels right for you and your baby, not what looks right to others, find your own balance.
  • And remember, most importantly, self love isn’t selfish. Try loving yourself a little more today and I promise you, those around you will reap the rewards too. All your child wants is you, so be the happiest version of you.  Take some time to focus on yourself, juggling new motherhood, caring for everyone else is exhausting, make being a healthier, stronger, happier you a priority,  you already do so much for every one else, now is the time to do it for you.

    How about trying out the following, small steps that will make a huge difference.

    1. Take a hot shower or bath today. Make it a priority, close the door and enjoy.
    2. Eat at least one nutritional meal. Make fuelling your body as important as it is to fuel your little ones. You are worthy of that.
    3. Go outdoors alone. A walk in the park, sit in the garden, just be outside in the fresh air, be present in your own thoughts.
    4. Have a kid free conversation, no baby talk! Make a point in engaging in topics out with motherhood.
    5. Get dressed. Immediately boost your mood by dressing for the day ahead. Set aside time the night before to save time in the morning. Present yourself to the world.
    6. Exercise. The benefits are real and proven. Take time out! Exercise doesn’t need to be heavy gym sessions, work with what your body and mind needs, make a schedule and stick to it. Start with 15 minutes at home, work towards creating an hour where you focus entirely on your own needs. Your mind and body need this, you owe this to yourself.

    You are so worthy of the love and care you give to your family. Remember what you’ve already given, you’ve grown and birthed your baby and now at a time where exhaustion, anxiety and self doubt takes over your life, you still give your life to keep your baby safe, healthy and happy. Listen to your body and treat yourself with the love and respect you deserve. You will keep giving because that’s what being a parent is however pour out from the best version your can be. You are not just someone’s mum, you are so much more.

    Until next time!

    Emma xx

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