Hi Friends, how are we all? It feels like forever since I stopped to say hi.
For those who follow along over on Instagram you may have noticed we’ve been a little MIA over the past 2 weeks.
I’ve been having a love hate relationship with Instagram lately. I’ve completely lost my mojo for capturing moments. I feel restricted and reserved in what I post and the Instagram politics has completely taken its toll on my mood towards the photo sharing app! On top of that, there just isn’t enough hours in the day, I admit, the juggle is a struggle.
I’ve been drowning, barely keeping my head above the water and when I do surface it’s became instinct to grab my phone and post to the world… a very quick, tardy post at that. I’ve had no balance lately, something had to give.
Since Esme arrived it’s been a whirlwind. She’s such a dream baby and the transition has been so smooth for us all, I want to live in all the little moments, soak them all up. I know all too well how quickly this time will pass, in the blink of an eye all I’ve have is a grid filled with newborn photos and a longing to do this newborn phase all over again. It recently dawned on me that whilst working and capturing and creating, I was missing out on just being present. It also hit hard on Mother’s Day when Darren told me he searched for a photo of myself with the kids to make a Mother’s Day gift, he couldn’t find one because there isn’t one, that really does make me so sad. Somewhere along the lines, whilst taking picture perfect photos of the little ones, I stopped capturing our real life, our everyday moments, the messy house, cheesy grin ones.
Subconsciously I stepped back last week. A day off turned into almost 2 weeks and my goodness I can’t explain how refreshing it feels. I feel back in control. My head feels clearer, my entire mood feels lighter and my heart feels fuller! I completely missed doing “this” but I’m reluctant to go back to doing as I was, posting to please algorithms, ultimately posting to stay relevant. I’m so ready for a change in direction, a revamp and I hope you lot stick around whilst I try figure out just what exactly that looks like. We all spend way too much precious time scrolling, looking in on others lives, it’s so important to use this space wisely and effectively. I’ve wondered lately, how does my page make you feel? What do you like about it, I’d love to know!
I’ve also been thinking a lot about what I want to get out of doing this, why do I share, why do I give this photo sharing app my all! And suddenly it feels like a big deal welcoming 60,000 into our home, I want to make sure I’m doing it for the right reasons. Thinking back, the reason I started blogging and sharing was to build a community, to connect and share things I’m most passionate about! I’m not even sure if that’s still the case, it’s almost impossible to keep it that simple around here these days.
Documenting the kids will always be my focus, and Motherhood sharing is where I feel I really belong! That said, I’ve became nonexistent around my grid. The camera shy blogger, who would have thought it! My following grew around 40k in the past 12 months, amazing as that is, it’s been hard graft and also a little overwhelming. Last year I worked my backside off because for me this was what I wanted, this was my goal, I was determined and driven by the thought of turning a passion into a career. But then the more followers the more I would overthink. What if they don’t like me, what if I offend, what if they judge. I’m so glad I no longer think like that but along the way I distanced myself from my feed, my confidence plummeted and now the sheer thought of showing my true self to you, my 60,000 loving and supporting tribe gives me anxiety beyond belief. Since becoming a mum I’ve gained weight, I’ve aged overnight, I don’t really know how to dress anymore, I’ve completely lost me. Other than being a mum (a blog post for another day), there’s so much more to life that I absolutely love. Fitness and travelling, fashion even though I’m not very fashionable myself but jeez I’ve lost count of how many “2 million ways to wear a bin bag” I’ve seen online this week, and I love it! There’s also the tough bits. My awful anxiety, which I had never experienced until I had Alfie, I crumble anytime I’m away from the kids! I’ve struggled with self love all my life, some days I can’t bare to look at myself in the mirror because, well quite frankly I’m not insta worthy! You’d never know that because I never share these things! I hope bringing more me and more real life to my grid brings back my love of sharing, I’m tired of not feeling enough! Basically I want to share it all and not just the polished, picture perfect posts! Naturally I feel like I’m growing, evolving, this feels like the start of something new and I’m so ready embrace it.
And YESSSSSSS to more interaction! I want to have real conversations and not in emoji form! Partly what I do on Instagram is my “job” although let me quickly point out it’s not my main job, I don’t blog full time. I Mummy full time, I’m then a part time partner, daughter, sister, friend, I work part time in education and then I blog, Instagram, content create. So what you see on my grid is mostly just us, just the kids and every now and then some “work”. The paid work is what I call content creation. I only ever work with brands and products I love and feel fit well with my audience and my page. Doing so, the content creating, that takes times, effort, creativity, patience, and then in some weird way it feels like Instagram belittles your hard work by choosing who to show it too, or not show it to for that matter. It’s a shame, it really is disheartening! And then there’s the new regulations… I’m pretty sure we’re all a little fed up reading explanations on regulation however whilst we’re here I may as well. Rules are rules, I will mark content as AD and state when gifted or paid. I will always be transparent however I’m human and a very busy human at that. If I do forget, for example I use Esme’s gifted pram almost everyday, there may be a time I don’t tag and explain the partnership behind the pram, please know it’s in no way to hide the authenticity, it’s a genuine oops!
Wow, feeling so much better for getting that off my chest. The long and short is balance is key. Going forward I’m going to focus on bringing more balance to my life which will in turn hopefully reflect on everything I do, my IG grid included. I’m working on myself and trying to implement self love in my everyday, I keep reminding myself self love isn’t selfish! Whilst doing so I’m soaking in some quality family time, lazy days and home and long walks in the park, my two favourite things. Let me leave you with a little reminder that life in the online world will always be just that, another world! Unplug every now and then, take time out, disconnecting is good for the soul. Whenever you are scrolling make sure you’re following those who inspire you! If we all use social media to impact rather than impress this space will be a much happier place to be!
And as a last note, a huge thank you. Thank you for all your love and support, it really does mean the world. I can never really express just how grateful I am for the community that I’m so proud to be part of but believe me the love and support blows my mind, you lot are the best!
Promise it won’t be so long till next time.
All my love.