The First Trimester, Mentally The Worst Trimester

img_8831We’re having a baby, eeeek, how exciting!

I’m so excited to share this experience with you all, what an amazing journey ahead! I wasn’t blogging when I was pregnant with Alfie and looking back I don’t remember much of the first trimester, which kinda sucks. I do remember an overwhelming feeling of love and an immediate connection with the little guy I was yet to meet, I felt so at ease. I had a wonderful pregnancy first time round, this time hasn’t been so dreamy.

Fatigue, sickness, insomnia, extreme bloating and night tremors have made the past 12 weeks pretty unbearable. What I’ve struggled with more is the mental aspects of this pregnancy.  I’ve never felt so low and my anxiety has been through the roof! I thought I’d jot down whats’ been going on and how I’m dealing with my daily struggles. Unlike the first time round, I’d like to look back and remember the real experience this pregnancy has brought, I’d like to remember the challenges equally as much as the milestones achieved. Also take this post as a little reminder that it’s perfectly okay to not feel what everyone portrays in the online world.  More than ever before woman world wide are sharing their experiences throughout pregnancy which is wonderful but bare in mind the online world is just that, it’s wonderful, pretty, romantic, cute and very fashionable. Pregnancy is so very different for every woman, every time round. Later in this pregnancy I’ll share the difference in my two pregnancies but for now lets recap over the past 12 weeks.

I Feel And Look Disgusting

At 7 weeks I look 7 months! Now I wouldn’t mind if I could show off my blossoming baby bump, but it isn’t a beautiful baby bump, it’s hormonal bloat. My clothes don’t fit, my face is puffy and my boob’s… I peaked at a B cup in my teens and enjoyed the small breast life ever since, at 8 weeks I’m bursting out my ugly worn out maternity bras and they hurt bad! I just don’t feel me and that’s never a nice feeling!

Weight gain, I couldn’t tell you exactly how many pounds as I never weigh myself but I’d say not far from around 10 pounds already. My pre pregnancy weight sits around 116 pounds, just over 8 stone. I’m just under 5’2″ which unfortunately for me means I notice every single pound I gain or loose! I struggled with my weight for the best part of ten years, pregnancy was always going to be a enormous test for me. First time round I completely nailed it, I felt great, ate well, slept when needed to, it was such a joyful time. My positive outlook and consistent focus meant I gained minimum weight and those extra pounds I did carry, I completely loved them, I embraced it all, I loved being pregnant and I was amazed at what my body was capable of. Pregnancy and motherhood taught me to love my body like never before, you can imagine how refreshing that felt after years of neglect, yet here I am, once again beating myself up over an extra few pounds. The difference being this time it’s not because I’m vain or want to look good, it’s because I feel like I’ve got off to a bad start. I didn’t gain weight first time round, so why now!

I just want to Sleep

The first trimester has introduced a whole new level of exhaustion, I’ve had zero energy for weeks. Between weeks 6 and 9 my fatigue got the better of me, I literally shut myself off from the world. As a Mum that was the hardest thing to do. I had a few days to vegetate in bed and felt terrible for it. I have a toddler, a job, a house to run and an ever growing blog however my ‘supermom’ ego had to take a back seat as I realised I have my littlest one to think of and resting had become priority.  Over the last few weeks, (weeks 9 – 12) I’ve questioned if the tiredness has lifted (if so only every so slightly) and now my mood is to answer for my very little get up and go, or does my very little get up have to answer for my mood! The constant battle of being so tired but determined to power through (but doing so miserably because I’m just so tired), has left me feeling so fed up. I’ve cried because I’m tired of being tired. I’ve cried even more because I feel like I’m failing at not getting on top of this tiredness.

Botton line is I’ve been so hard on myself. I’m now having to remind myself that any change is temporary and that as much as I don’t feel in control of my body, I can control how I think and respond to the changes, a little self love never hurt nobody! I am still me and my body was made to do this. All these uncomfortable changes will settle over the next few weeks and once that baby bump pops, I can enjoy the being pregnant once again. Here’s what’s helped pull me through the first trimester.

Diet

A healthy balanced diet is a mood booster at any time, it’s a no brainer in pregnancy. My body has been craving carbs which normally would be a no go to eat two pasta dishes on the trot but hey, I need it right now. I have a fairly balanced diet, nothing too regimented being a busy mum but I tend to go by the 80/20 theory, I enjoy eating ‘good’ so there isn’t much needing adapting. Cooking feels like such a chore at the moment and snacking seems much more appealing which is absolutely fine, I’m just doing what’s best for right now. I’m not going to list what to and not to eat, I’m sure you all have the Apps and will do whats right for your lifestyle anyway. I would advise to not over think it, if you feel you need it then go for it but be sensible. Fast food and binging on junk doesn’t give you energy or boost your mood any time, this is your time to work with foods that will work for you and at a time when you need all the help you can get make the most of nutritional foods.  Lastly (totally sounding like my mum here), drink water, plenty of it. Leave bloating to those annoying hormones and not to sluggish bowel movements, yes my 6 month bump at 6 weeks it partly down to constipation, that’s never a pleasant time!

Exercise

Get walking… seriously, walking is so under rated. I’ve always been a running fanatic and love to be outdoors but I’m not as physically fit at the moment so I substitute my runs for nice walks. Put aside the physical benefits, being outdoors, just walking is great for clearing the mind and bringing life into focus. I’ve been walking to and forth from work to get in extra steps and using my FitBit to give me that extra push to clock up some extra steps. I do plan on working out throughout my pregnancy but right now my motivation just isn’t up there, walking is perfectly fine in the mean time.

Yoga

You definitely don’t need to be able to touch your toes to benefit from pregnancy yoga. If you’ve never tried yoga, now is the time. A ten minute practise in the morning will completely change your outlook on the day ahead or meditation and breathing focus will ease you into a better nights sleep. You do not need all the gear and a super expensive membership to get started. I have a £10 yoga mat from Amazon and often just do a quick YouTube for pregnancy yoga. I promise you, the bond it creates between you and your little miracle is just incredible.

Get Comfortable

As a Mum I rarely treat myself to anything new, especially now with another baby on way! Clothes however are so important during pregnancy, comfort and practicality being key. I wouldn’t advise to go spend a crazy amount on maternity clothes, after all they are temporary however I would say investing in a few key pieces is game changing. I’m working on a blog post of sharing my favourite maternity brands and must have pieces, until then get comfortable, stop squeezing into your everyday clothes. If they still fit, fab, if not get them to the back of the wardrobe and go treat yourself. Oversized shirts and leggings everyday please!

Don’t Be Too Hard On Yourself

Give yourself a break. My biggest regret has to be being so tough on myself.  It wastes so much precious time and quite frankly it does nothing but invite negative vibes into my day!  Shake that shit off and give yourself a pat on the back. Little reminder…You are growing a baby, a human being, a little miracle…. be kind to yourself. Fill your mind with the good even on the tough days and share the love that you have for your new addition with yourself too.

Above All

Do not compare. Here I am comparing this pregnancy to last and wondering why Sally on Instagram only gained 2 pounds when I’ve gained 10! I know how natural it comes to compare ourselves to the world, to strangers, to lives that are not real. Just don’t do it! Use social media platforms to find inspiring accounts, people who make you feel happy, who encouraged you, who might just shift you mood when you need it most! Keep in mind what you see online is what people want you to see, well actually it’s usually a prettier edit of that. Let’s embrace the body that will home our babies for the coming months, let’s be our own inspiration.

Thank you for reading, I know it’s been a long one. I’d love to here from any of you expecting Mama’s, how is your first trimester going? I’m excited to welcome in the second trimester and I’m so glad I’ve documented the real feels along the way. Here’s to dressing the bump, lots more energy and a brighter, healthier and happier mindset….Second trimester I’ve been looking forward to you.

Lots more pregnancy updates to come.

Speak Soon…Emma xxx

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