Balance is key in life. Some nights you drink tea, other nights gin. Everything in moderation my Mother preaches.
The thing with me is I have a rather addictive personality, I give it my all, which is fab but also throws my balance way off! I’ve had to really focus on keeping balance in my life over the years. There was a time, not that long ago, finding the right balance was made easy. I was a great supporter of ‘me time’. I’d freely do the things I loved. Weekends away, yoga, running, shopping, reading and all those girlie things that just make you feel good. Those things I done in moderation, those where the things that counterbalanced work, bills, chores and being a grown up. Then I became a Mummy and kaboom, I stopped doing the things I once loved, completely stopped and with that came a whole new meaning to ‘me time’.
But I’m Ok with that, I really am!
It’s been twelve months but finally the pressure is off. I’ve accepted life will never be as once was, it no longer is as easy and free. And what about my balance? My balance isn’t about hobbies or how I fulfil my time. My time is fulfilled, every second of my day is packed, filled to the brim with love, joy, contentment and a never ending to-do list. I have the best hobby, job, best friend I could wish for, my little one ticks all my boxes. It has taken time but I’ve realised I don’t need to bring more into my life to restore balance, not at all. What I’ve found throughout the early stages of this wonderful motherhood journey, if I take away the comparing and the overthinking, I have everything I need, want…could ever wish for. I have everything to create that perfect balance, I certainly do not need to introduce more into life. Could I level out my full on “I’m a Mum” approach, well yes I suppose I could work on that!
You see parental guilt is an awful burden. There’s a constant tug on my heart strings at the thought of anything in life not involving my little guy. A night off, partaking in anything non parenting, planning something that might actually be fun, the guilt’s already there crushing the enjoyment before its even started. I know I’m not alone on this one and that us parents have different threshold of guilt carrying. My extremities find me feeling guilty putting my little one to bed at night (maybe I should go in with him, you know, incase he starts to wake and spends more than a second without me), now c’mon thats way off balance. I’m still working on overcoming these slightly irrational thoughts. It’s a work in progress, a coffee date for one, an hour with a book. Date night in our house looks like a cuppa together and on special occasions we might catch up on an episode of This Is Us. Baby steps but I’m getting there.
My advice to anyone feeling the hellish guilt, start off small. Try not to compare, life isn’t as once was, embrace that. Take the pressure off. Being a parent brings enough demand so try to remember your doing just great. Perhaps once you accept your enough is enough then maybe your balance will be right where it needs to be. More importantly do what feels right for you and not what looks right to others, find your own balance.
I’m off for some marshmallow hot chocolate (because I had kale on Thursday)!